Lovin on lady love.

The other night at work, I helped a co-worker run food to one of her tables. I’m setting down a plate of tomato basil shrimp linguine in front of this chick and notice that she’s sitting mighty close to the chick next to her. As a matter of fact, her arm is draped over the other woman’s shoulder.

LESBIANS!?!?!

I look around at the rest of the table and realize that they are all  homos! Middle aged guys and girls! And being very comfortably affectionate with their significant others! I’m pretty sure I just stood and stared with a ridiculous smirk on my face for a second too long, but I just couldn’t help it. Seeing them all made me so haaapppppyyyyy! 

Do you get that way when you see other gay couples acting like gay couples in public? My girlfriend says this of seeing other openly-lesbian couples: “It’s like seeing an albino squirrel! You’re like omg…they do exist!”

My co-worker told me that her homo-table said they loved coming to our restaurant because they always felt comfortable eating there: no one judges them or looks at them like they’re weird when they come in. I was pretty jealous that I wasn’t waiting on them myself. I always feel this really sweet, lovely connection when I wait on other gays, like we give each other these eyes that say  “yeah, you’re family. I’m gonna treat you right”.

I also found this tumblr today called Adorable Lesbian Couples and spent like 2 hours being excited at how cute and sweet girls are when they love each other. Maybe I’m biased, but I think girl-on-girl love is the sweetest love in the world.

Oh Boy.

Hey — girls who like girls,

Do you ever see a boy and think “Yummm. If I were straight, I’d hit that?” Sure you do, because you can appreciate beauty, regardless of gender, I’m sure of it.

WELL! There is this boy! And I think he is so beautiful! He’s actually a French actor, and he’s in this movie Les Choristes that I’ve had to watch in every single one of my French classes. And every semester I’m like “Whoa. That boy is prettyyyyy…”

Then today, my French prof. played a youtube video of him all grown up and singing and I just about died because I realized that the reason I think he’s so good-lookin’ is because he looks like a dyke.

Not kidding. Check this shit out:

 His name is Jean-Baptiste Maunier and, well, isn’t he just divine? Oh and here he is looking like a young Ellen, n’est-ce pas?:

Also, the more I stare at him (yeah, I’m creepin’), I realize he also kind of looks like my girlfriend. Like, they have the same eyes, and kind of similar mouths. Aaannnd they’re both white and like button-up shirts and blazers. I mean, I’m basically dating him.

This reminds me of when I found that website men who look like old lesbians and got lost in it for hours.

Buy It, Try It.

Remember when you first came out of the closet and you were so excited about gay sex that you spent, like, hours google searching what to do, how to do it right, where to put your hands/tongue/knees/etc? (Or maybe you weren’t as scientific as I was. No research? Whatever, I was excited! I’m still excited about lesbi sex! How could you not be?!)

ANYWAY, I DIGRESS…

There is a book called LESBIANSEX 101 lovemaking positions. And you should get it. It is a small-ish hardcover book and it looks like this:

Step-by-step instructions on where to put what.
Full-sized color photos.
Do you prefer standing? Sitting? Laying?
Wanna use strap-ons? Chairs? Handcuffs?
Threesomes!
Names like Gilding the Lily, The Eagle Has Landed, Opening Pandora’s Box.
Girls who look like they could  maybe be gay like you and me (ok, some of them have long nails and none of them are remotely butch-y, but they look “gayer” (read: more alternative) than most of the girls you see on internet “lesbian porn.” Oh, you don’t watch porn either? Okay you guys are making me feel really awkward today. Thanks.)

HERE’S A FUN STORY: I bought this book from the Barnes & Noble store. Yeah, I bought it in person instead of over the internet (I’m a lesbian and I have sex and I ain’t embarrassed by it!) And as I walked into the store, I noticed this employee with a great short haircut and I thought “she’s cute” and wondered if she was a dyke but kept walking to the GAY BOOKS section because I was on a mission!

When I got to the checkout line, cute haircut girl was the only employee behind the counter. I step up and as I throw down my selection, she says “I know you! We went to high school together!”

FML. I know I just said I wasn’t embarrassed about buying a lesbian sex book, but when you used to know the person who is ringing you up, that sort of changes. There are questions that might have to be answered. Awkward smirks and shoulder shrugs that must be given when the words “I never thought you’d be gay” are directed towards you. Thankfully none of that happened because I don’t think her eyes even scanned my purchase (we were slightly distracted by the fact that we hadn’t seen each other since 2005).

Turns out, she is not gay. But a few days later, facebook told me that she did get her hair cut by a fellow lesbo that also went to our high school, which brings me to the last topic I want to address in this post:

If you went to Bishop Sullivan High School aka St. Michael’s, there is a 70% chance you are a lesbian.

Seriously….have you not noticed this trend?!

Marry, F*ck, or Kill… I can’t decide anymore!

I came across a comment on Autostraddle today that read “…I want to be her and top her and bottom her all at the same time. Unnngghhhh so obsessed.” And thought about the confusion of being a lesbian and seeing another girl, then not really knowing if you want to be her, or fuck her, or be friends with her, or hate her. It reminded me of the marry, fuck, or kill game (tell me you know what I’m talking about?! It’s so super funny!). I think it’s (maybe) a pretty common thing that we lezzies go through, so let’s talk about it!

One of the things I never leave out when I tell my coming out story is “….I thought I wanted to be like her, and then later on I realized that I wanted to be with her…” Not speaking of any one girl in particular, but of all of the girls in my history that I was bewitched by or obsessed with before I realized I was gay.

This idea has been haunting me this week. It’s come up in conversation. I’ve read about it on other blogs I follow. Then, I was reading through my old journals from high school and my 16-year-old-latent-lesbian-self surprised the hell out of me: “I kept looking at ***** today, I couldn’t stop thinking how cute she is. I just wanted to hug her and say ‘Ahh you’re so cute, I love you!’ Oh God what if I really am a lesbo? I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but it just seems to freak ALL my friends out. I mean, if I told *****, she’d probably cry.”

I have this mental slideshow of girls/women from my younger years that fascinated me in ways I couldn’t understand. Like, something about them drew me in and made me want to know everything about them, made me obsess over them. I’m talking about actresses in those made-for-tv Disney movies as well as friends from elementary/middle/high school and their sisters, cousins, neighbors…you get the idea.

I’d see certain girls and think they looked so cool. I wanted to copy their haircuts, their wardrobe, the way they walked, the way they stood….everything about them. I misread my interest in them and my curiosity about them as a desire to imitate them. It took years for me to realize that I had been lusting over them. Surely, you’ve had that realization as well, right? When you analyze your youth, searching for the earliest clues to your lesbianism…there were just some girls that meant more to you than you were capable of understanding at the time. I mean,apparently, even fictional characters went through this:

  Alex and Marissa from The O.C.

 Sailor Uranus and Neptune from Sailor Moon.

   Betty and Veronica from Archie Comics.

So now that we’re all grown up and out of the closet, how do we handle our initial fascination to other females that we meet? Do you find that you’re romantically falling for girls who you’d probably be better off being friends with, and vice versa? I mean, how do you distinguish between friends and lovers anymore? Do you find that you meet other gay women, and immediately wonder if they could potentially be your next girlfriend just because you’re both gay and seem to have enough in common to keep a conversation going? Do you mistake your interest in their career/profession as an attraction to them? And is this why lesbians (gays in general, I guess) have the reputation of being promiscuous…because we’re quick to judge all attractions as sexual (instead of realizing that some are just platonic) and then act upon them?

Deep thoughts, ladies. Deep thoughts.

“There’s a problem when you can look at a grapefruit and think it’s gay”.

So I just did a live commentary of tonight’s gLee finale through facebook status updates. 

Now that the lesbian isn’t even acting like a lesbian anymore, I don’t even want to talk about gLee on this blog.

What I do want to talk about is that commercial towards the end of the episode about using the “R-Word”:

I thought, “that’s nice, but I wish there was one for the F-word (faggot) or the Q-word (queer) or the G-word (gay) or the H-word (homo) or”… you get my drift, I’m sure. So I did some youtube searchin’ and look what I found:

Apparently the Ad Council did an entire campaign on Think Before You Speak/ “That’s So Gay” and I was totally out of the loop.

I don’t watch a lot of teevee, so I can’t say that I don’t remember any of these being aired. But maybe you do … do you remember seeing them? Just curious.

This kid did his own “That’s so gay” PSA and he says a lot of other things that aren’t really intelligent, but I used a line that he said as the title of this post so I felt pressured to link to him.

What exactly does gay look like, pt.2

M.J. Corey is my long distance lesbian BFF. She’s a writer too, and she has this blog where she links to all her stories that get published, and writes her opinions on gay culture and New York City and life in general. She’s pretty freakin bad-ass.

She also happens to be the friend I referenced in the post What exactly does gay look like? from a few weeks ago, and she’s responded to my curiosity about changing appearances to “look” more gay with a short article on her website. I copied and pasted a few parts below, but you should read her entire response here.

It was bound to happen. I always hated being girlie. There was a lot of pressure from a lot of places to be girlie. 

I was a tomyboy of a kid… When I was a brace-faced, gangly pre-teen I’d try on boy’s clothes in H&M changing rooms. I was a frumpy baby dyke for most of my life, but my boobs were huge and I seemed destined to be a glamorous, hour- glass girlie girl. 

For one year- my freshman year of college- I went all out with the girlie gurl thing…. I wore thigh highs and mascara and all that…. I never felt more disconnected from my body. Few people knew that I was confused and disgruntled all the time over how I looked, feeling like a big liar….

It wasn’t necessarily coming out that made me start looking really different. My plan when I came out was for NOTHING TO CHANGE. I didn’t want to look gay. I didn’t want to be the weird lesbian daughter or the token lesbian friend and all that internalized homophobia shit. For me, visibility was something I really feared; I suspect that’s why I dressed so outrageously feminine in the year right before I came out.

But once I settled into life as a self-proclaimed homo and started actually dating girls, it snowballed naturally. I cut my hair, like all new lesbians do- an initiation act that I think is sort of idiotic, to be honest…

The next thing I know…I’m wearing all the dyke garb…I was getting more and more comfortable with the whole gay thing and my looks were catching up with this comfort.

The point is, it was already in me. I’ve always been that “type” of dyke. (even though p.s. I HATE GAY “TYPE-ING”) …..I sort of feel in the middle, with the potential to lean – or careen – towards either side depending on my mood in the morning. I tend to feel better when I’m boyish, but I have it in me to be hella girlie too…I like being a “tweener,” as Jenn calls me…

I think it’s interesting that she attributed her one year of extreme-girlyness to a fear of being visibly gay. It sort of correlates to another conversation I had recently, where another friend commented on the fact that some of the most homophobic people are homophobic because they’re actually gay but are afraid and/or don’t know how to deal with it (Hello…Dave Karofsky of gLee fame!).

Anyway, I think we need to applaud M.J. on a great, insightful response. And if you want to chime in with any thoughts, questions, opinions, or stories on this topic, email girlgetout@gmail.com. Let’s keep this ball rolling.

“Stop trying to pray the gay away…and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends”

So, Alyson made another video from her footage on the House of Education committee meeting a few weeks ago. This time, she’s featuring the people who opposed the bill. I literally wanted to vomit after seeing only the first 7 seconds of this. And here’s why: I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN OPPRESSED AND DISCRIMINATED AGAINST CAN CONTINUE TO OPPRESS AND DISCRIMINATE AGAINST OTHERS.

Yeah, I’m gonna be real blunt and say it:  The fact that some black people are fighting against the rights of homosexuals disgusts me. It makes me irate.  I don’t understand prejudice in general. But especially coming from a race who knows what it’s like to be held down, to be told that you don’t deserve equal rights. It blows my fucking mind. (Note: The same goes for women, and Jews, and I mean really anyone, because we’ve all been oppressed at some time or another, right?)

So today, I find this article  written by Don Lemon, the  CNN anchor from Port Allen, Louisiana who recently told the world he’s gay (he’s also black).  Please read that article because I think it has the power to change the world, for serious. He says so many beautiful things, but one that really stood out to me was:

It’s time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends. What we’re doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It’s plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don’t know what that feels like in America, I don’t know who does.

A-mother-frickin-men.

I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the girl you’re taking home.

I’m totally relating to Robyn right now, and it’s not because we have the same hair color. Have you heard “Dancing On My Own” ? It’s such a lesbian anthem. Am I right or am I right?

I was never really a Robyn fan (outside of that one song, With Every Heartbeat) but one day out of nowhere, this song reached out to me. I especially like the fact that if you didn’t know Robyn is hetero, you could assume it was written from a gay girl’s perspective because there is not a single masculine pronoun in the lyrics.

Ladies, how many times have you been in the corner (of, hmm let’s say, George’s? L Bar? Cajun Cove?) watching a girl you want bad  kiss another girl, and then thought “I’ll just keep dancing over here, on my own, so I don’t look as pathetic as I feel” ?!

This may very well end up being the story of my life, after all is said and done.

But srsly, do you guys find it realllly hard to mingle with other gay women that you don’t already know? They’re always in little groups, talking to each other, not paying attention to what’s going on outside their circle. They have their pre-conceived opinions on you before you even walk up. And if you do approach them, when you leave, God only know what they’ll say about you….OR SO I’VE ALWAYS THOUGHT. But here’s what I’m starting to realize… for the most part, that’s wrong.

Talking to someone you’re attracted to is hard (whether you’re gay, straight, boy, girl),  and being nervous to do so is inevitable. But I don’t think there’s a single lady out there who doesn’t like to know that someone thinks she’s cute, or funny, or interesting. Also, girls are secretly dying on the inside for acceptance from everyone around them.

There’s a post on Effing Dykes that breaches the subjects of  “how do you act when you like somebody?” and “how can you tell if another woman likes you?”. If you need further incentive to check it out, just know that one of the comments on the post was: “Augh I need this. Every lesbian I know needs this. We are an awkward people.”   Hahaha.

Furthermore, Effing Dykes says: “If every lesbian hides behind being “kind of a chicken”, then no lesbian gets laid.  Take an awkward stand.”

And I full heartedly agree. So today, I’m encouraging you to approach your crush next time you see her. I promise I’ll do the same. And maybe we can all talk about it later, yeah?

Gross? Not really.

Friday night I was the gracious recipient of a handfull of ridiculous, oversized, stick-on mustaches.  At a bar downtown that just so happened to be one of the stops in a pub crawl (gag), a few of my (lady) friends and I devotedly donned our handlebar and fu manchu mustaches through beer after beer, laugh after laugh, picture after picture.

Things were going as normal as could be expected when you’re wearing costumery out in public, until this douchey dude approached us and grilled us to no end. Our convo went something like this:
Dude: Why are y’all wearing those mustaches?
Us: Because…why not?
(ok that part seriously went on, over and over, for like 5 mins. Then:)
Dude: You’re really pretty girls. You could easily get guys if you took your ‘staches off.
Us: ummm. Dude, the last thing we’re trying to do is “get guys”.
(see what I mean? I am, like, invisible as a gay. Why wasn’t I wearing my Rainbow Delegation bracelet?!)
Dude: But, y’all would be really cute if you took them off.
Us: We’re not cute with them on?
Dude: YOU LOOK LIKE FUCKING TRANNIES.
Us: SO ?!
Dude: Why do you want to look like trannies? They’re gross.

We then proceeded to pour our beers on him, kick him in the balls, and then storm out of the establishment.

Ok not really, although looking back on it, I wish we would have.

Our response was something along the lines of “No, they’re not.” And then he said “Yeah, you’re right, they’re not. They can do whatever they wanna do. But y’all should seriously take your mustaches off”.

So here’s what I want to talk about…this dude’s first reaction to trannies was “Gross” which later changed to “Whatever”. Like, he felt that he was supposed to think trannies are gross, so he said that. But then he realized that we were down with trannies, and he changed his tune.

I think I wrote about this in another post, but I want to bring it back around. When is anything gay-related going to stop being taboo or weird or gross or abnormal and just BE something that exists without a negative (or positive) connotation?

Like also, recently, I was eating dinner with a group of (hetero) guy friends and one of them was  going on and on about this musician that he doesn’t like, how ridiculous he thinks this musician  is, and he finished his rant with “the guy just looks really fucking gay”…  As if gay is a way that people should never want to look. And my friend who said this is not homophobic in the least. Yet, he used the word gay to describe someone in a negative light.

Do you have opinions on this? It’s probably something we should work towards changing, right? Or am I being overly sensitive?

Party Starter.

You lesbians love this shit:

SRSLY. I have yet to meet a gay girl who cannot WOP.

In fact, there have been times when I’ve seen the boys holding down the dance floor by themselves for hours. Lesbians all over the place…Playing pool, singing karaoke, hiding behind their cool haircuts… doing everything and anything except setting foot near the dance floor until they hear The Wop. 

Is there a legitimate explanation for this phenomenon ?!

It sort of happens with this song too:

Maybe you homos just really like line dancing? Eh?