This may be T.M.I…but whatevs.

I went to the Gyno last week.

Lesbians have this thing against going to the gyno, don’t we? Which is sort of weird, because we obviously don’t have problems with people feeling around our vaginas. But there is research that shows that lesbians are less likely than heterosexual women to have regular (yearly) pap smears.

I fell victim to the age-old, ignorant lesbian belief that “I don’t have sex with boys, so I don’t need to go”. WTF? That’s dumb, I realize. But when you don’t have to worry about birth control and getting knocked up, it’s easy to forget that there are other reasons why yearly gyno check-ups are imporant (Cervical cancer, y’all. It’s a killer. And lesbians can get it. who knew?!).

I’ve heard some ladygays say they’re scared of going to the gyno because they don’t want to “come out” to their doctor. I can’t lie, my experience with that last week was a little awkward… The best advice I can give is to just come out and move on. Seriously. It’s gonna be awkward no matter what, but if you lay your cards on the table before the questioning starts, you’ll avoid a lot of confusion and assumptions.

My God, the questions…the assumptions…

The Nurse: “Your method of birth control? You’re not on anything? Don’t you think you should be? Aren’t you sexually active? Oh…women? Okay. How many sexual partners do you have? And it’s a woman? Okay.”

Apparently, this isn’t deemed important enough to communicate with the doctor, because he walks in minutes later and says: “No birth control, huh? Why’s that? Same-sex relationships, huh? Okay. Feet in the stirrups, lay back.”

WAIT. I’M STARTING TO GET A LITTLE OFFENDED.

If I had said I was sexually active with men and not using any protection, they would have shoved condoms down my throat. They’d be really concerned about me protecting my parts. They’d talk to me about my options. I REMEMBER THIS FROM WHEN I WAS SLEEPING WITH BOYS YEARS AGO. I got about 5 pamphlets on sex, protection, etc. everytime I said the word “boyfriend”.

But now, there are no boys involved. I say “girlfriend”, but they make no attempt to throw same-sex literature my way. I mean, do they even have any? They say nothing about barrier methods, protecting yourself during oral sex. No dental dams are pushed on me, or even mentioned!

I know this is something that someone somewhere is working on (better health care for the LGBTQ community) right? How do I get involved?

OH, AND SPEAKING OF STIRRUPS AND SUCH…I really wanted to tell him to “warm up the duck lips”, you know?

If you don’t understand this reference (or even if you do) you should come see yours truly in the Vagina Monologues!! Yes yes yes! I’m performing “The Little Coochi Snorcher that Could!” Come see me!

Thursday March 22, 2012. 7pm. Lyceum Dean Ballroom. $12 in advance, $15 at the door.

 

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2 comments
  1. Kat said:

    Thanks for posting this! Saw the VM years ago in my hometown and just moved to Baton Rouge so was happy it’s coming up so soon 😀

    • Welcome to BR! Hope you are able to make it to the show!

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