Ugh whatever.

It’s sort of hard to write a letter to your teenage self in the vein of “it gets better”  (as autostraddle has recently suggested we do on their website in order to win this cool book) when you’re 24 years old, living in your grandparents house, and you overhear your grandpa one room over explaining to his sister that he’s not behind gay marriage. “Because marriage is for men and women and procreation. The bond that marriage is intended to bring can only be made between men and women. What is the purpose of a bull? To screw a cow. If a bull doesn’t screw a cow, it is worthless. The same goes for  men and women.”

Ok, secret’s out, the girl who constantly advocates for gay equality and gay visibility and who is so very out in the community is not out to all of her family. Particularly her grandparents, with whom she lives. And  she hates being such a hypocrite.

There’s a part of me that thinks I haven’t come out to them yet because it’s not that big of a deal. The classic “I didn’t have to tell them that I was straight (when I was) so I don’t have to tell them that I’m gay now.”

There’s a part of me that thinks I haven’t come out to my grandparents yet because my girlfriend sleeps over at our house 3 out of 7 nights of the week and if they know she’s my girlfriend and not just my best friend, they’ll think we’re doing sexy things in their house while they’re a few rooms over (Which is totally what’s happening. But who wants their family to know that?!).

There’s a part of me that thinks they know (God how could they not know?!) and they’re just not addressing it because they’re embarrassed.

I am comfortable living with them (outside of this part of me that I want to share with them but feel I shouldn’t/don’t need to)  and am not ready to ruin that comfort. It’s a pathetic situation really, because I probably shouldn’t be living with them at my age anyway. BUT NOT HAVING TO PAY RENT WHEN YOU’RE STILL IN COLLEGE AND YOU HAVE A CAR NOTE IS SO AWESOME.

Anyway, I promised you a lot of things last time I wrote. I should follow through with at least one right now: Gender Neutral Spoons! 

Isn’t it frustrating being a homo surrounded by shit that is made to appeal to heteros? Like…. GREETING CARDS. So there’s finally a category of cards in your local wal mart or walgreens or what- have-you for black people. It’s called Mahogany. Surely, you’ve seen it. There are phrases on the fronts of these cards like “Sistah…we gotta stick togetha”.

So when will there be a selection of cards for girls who like girls (and boys who like boys)? With a picture of a lezzie couple holding hands, strolling through a park? Or staring lovingly at each other across a candle lit dinner table?  Do states that recognize gay marriages have gay greeting card selections??

Anyway, look at this card:

There are no flirty, girly eyelashes or hints of blush or lipstick on either of these spoons! Which spoon is the girl?! Which spoon is the boy?? Who knows?! Who cares?! They’re in love! And it’s sweet! These gender neutral spoons are a step in the right direction. And seeing them made me feel like a normal human being who could buy a card for her partner without having to scratch out words to make it fit our relationship.


One thought on “Ugh whatever.

  1. I’m so proud of you all the time for just being openly and honestly you, even if that means addressing parts of your life where you feel like a hypocrite (and who said being unhypocritical was some sort of ultimate goal anyway? but that’s a whole other conversation). The spoon card is brilliant, and let’s be real, you just came up with a GENIUS idea. Seriously can’t believe any mainstream companies haven’t jumped on it yet. Also, if it’s any consolation, JCPenney has been rocking it out with their overtly gay ads (and standing their ground on it), AND Gap has these really cute ads with two men hugging inside a single gray t-shirt (at least here in NY). It may not be the most sincere route, but show companies where the money is (new markets), and it’s only a matter of time before they take advantage of it. And pretty soon the whole thing becomes no big deal . .. which it isn’t.

    Also, going to see you in less than one weeeeeek!

    P.S. Mahogany sounds terrible! Can’t they get some better writers? I feel like I could do a better job 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s