Rules for Breaking Up

So there’s the typical “keep yourself busy and distracted”, “focus on yourself and get some new hobbies”, “work out so your bod is hot for the next one”. And that’s all fine and great but sometimes you need more. Et voila, my advice on what to do with yourself in the midst of a breakup:

1. Everything you do/see/hear will remind you of your now ex-girlfriend… Realize this early on and let it hit you hard. Wallow in your pain. Get the hurt out. Maybe you want to do this alone, maybe you have a lot of lesbian god-mothers who have been in your shoes before who will open up their doors/arms/hearts to you and listen to your heartache and prove to you by their very own existence (after years of similar heartache) that you will be okay and you will move on.

2. Be outside –  more specifically, go for walks. When you feel that suffocating pain of losing someone close to you and all rooms seem too small and all shirts seem too tight, deep breaths of fresh air help. And when that creepy dude doing construction work yells “Cheer up sexy…you too beautiful to cry!” Let it boost your ego!

3. Don’t compare this break up with any other ones  (whether they be your previous ones, your friends’ previous ones, or fictional ones) and assume that you should take the same steps, or that the post-breakup relationship with this ex will be the same as with others. Don’t think that just because your breakup was extremely similar to Dana and Lara’s break up (on The L Word Season 1) that you and your ex will get back together in another season of your life! I mean maybe, but don’t count on it. Different people deserve different processes… Everyone has different needs in “closure.”

4. Baton Rougeians…avoid L Bar, George’s and Splash for a whiiiile. Seeing all those other homos and wondering if you’ll be their next victim (or if they’ll be yours) and imagining that they can’t possibly be as “perfect” as your ex is nauseating.

5. Let your emotions inspire you to do something. I guess this is a little similar to getting a hobby, but beautiful things come out of broken hearts. Art, songs, short stories, blog posts, poems like this one by W.H. Auden that fucking moves me every time I read it, even moreso when I can relate:

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message (S)He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

(S)He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, realize that time heals everything. 


2 thoughts on “Rules for Breaking Up

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